


Anatomy of An Old Love Song

by silasfinch



Series: A Tender Heart [3]
Category: Saving Hope (TV)
Genre: F/F, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-25
Updated: 2018-06-25
Packaged: 2019-05-28 07:05:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15043400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silasfinch/pseuds/silasfinch
Summary: Maggie recovers from her head injury in season 4 and reaches across the 5000 odd miles between Canada and Israel.





	Anatomy of An Old Love Song

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AnnNette](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnNette/gifts).



> This work is the direct result of me listening too country music and contemplating communication.  
> Season 4 Maggie/Sydney needed to talk like adults.

**Anatomy of An Old Love Song**

 

_You are too generous to trifle with me. If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes are unchanged, but one word from you will silence me on this subject forever - Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice._

 

Writers tend to leave out a few salient details when describing the art of the romantic gestures.

 

Maggie Lin snorts derisively as the man on TV makes a spectacle of himself in public to impress his lost love, as if New York best cops would be so tolerant of such a disruption in Time Square.  This show is almost as bad as the medical dramas she is rapidly becoming addicted to in her enforced convalescence.

 

It turns out a doctor sustaining a moderate TBI on the job is taken seriously by the hospital administration. Dawn politely(ish) informs Maggie that she is effectively banned from Hope Zion until she is independently signed off as fit for duty. There is no room for negotiation or offers to do paperwork.  Mandatory rest does not suit Maggie's personality, but it is better than the alternative of having to start the year all over again.

 

Dr Bell knows how to threaten effectively.

 

The headaches are terrible, a pain that leaves her weak and breathless. However, the medication is working, and they become less frequent. Fortunately, her new apartment has good curtains and high-quality light fixtures. She can make the home environment as peaceful as possible, friends understand the consequences and stay away. Her mother and brother are flying back from holiday to see her but her first week is solitary.

 

In these moments the person she wants to see most is the one person who seems the furthest away, both geographically and philosophically. The last moments together haunt her waking moments, the worried look in Syd's eyes and watching her walk away yet again.

 

  1. **Professional Profile**



 

It turns out if she'd bothered to look before her OBGYN rotation there are plenty of photos that identify the distinguishing characteristics of Dr Sydney Katz.

 

The term prodigy is almost cliché now, but it is apt when it comes to this particular foetal surgeon. Sydney is supremely confident, but she does not boast about her achievements. It isn't until she is bored and craving some medical interaction that Maggie understands just how brilliant the other woman is and how tireless she works to save high-risk babies.

 

There are poor quality recordings of lectures that Syd gives all over the world. Both the medicine discussed and the way in which the speaker plays the audience enthral Maggie, even if she has to imagine the slides. It becomes something of a game to build a mental picture of the cases. She tries not to resent the universities too much when they do not allow downloading.

 

Maggie forgoes sleep when she stumbles across a series of lectures on Faith In Medicine. Sydney looks beautiful in an eloquent cream dress and blue head scarf. She is talking to both an Orthodox and Reformist Rabbi.  They are debating in Hebrew, but fortunately, the English subtitles are high quality. The second time round Maggie turns them off and listens to the melody of the language.

 

Maggie feels strange following Sydney but summons the courage to leave a few comments and download the books that Syd quotes in her speech. They provide an insight into who the senior doctor is and why she felt so conflicted when they were together. The comments from grateful families are a joy to read and brings their common cases to mind.

  

  1. **Journal Articles**



 

Sydney has more citations than all of Maggie's friends' bar Alex combined.

 

Dr Katz is an impressive surgeon, but she is also a tireless researcher both as a primary author and co-author. Maggie knows for a fact that Syd is a great teacher and it looks like she is acting as a mentor for several young surgeons. Maggie feels a surge of jealousy, but excitement tampers it at the sheer number of citations.

 

She downloads every article and opinion piece that Dr Sydney Katz has ever written in English. This cataloguing takes several days; she still needs to make 'screen breaks' a priority to prevent overtaxing her healing brain. It is easy to map Syd's progression from general OBGYN to a high-risk specialist.  She is fortunate to work with some of the best people in the field, but she brings a flare to her writings that is unique to her, even in the dry and clinical setting.

 

Maggie writes notes in the margin and sketches out possible ideas to expand the studies; there is no particular reason for this except that it connects her to Syd and distracts from the boredom.  There is also that faint hope that one day she can share these thoughts with the author, maybe amidst wine and kosher takeout.

 

Syd belongs to several professional discussion forums and clinical networks. Maggie feels a sharp thrill when she realises that nothing is stopping her from joining them as well. She is fully fledged professional with equal credentials and drives in the field. The years of work and sacrifice feel justified at this moment.

 

There is a pride in labelling herself as "Dr Maggie Lin MD."

 

 

  1. **Social Media**



 

What does online dating even mean?

 

After nagging from well-meaning friends and whatever Zach is to her now, Maggie is supposed to be setting up an online dating profile. Her poor dating history and tendency to fall for medical instructors need a remedy. How attractive is a person eight weeks post injury discharge anyway?  Of course, the unsolicited and random advice on bisexual dating ranges from kind to comical to mortifying. Hope Zion is like one big dysfunctional family who lives on lifesaving, caffeine and gossip.

 

Her benefactors would universally agree that looking for her almost ex-girlfriend online is a bad idea, she does it anyway, after assisting a rare foetal surgery. She does it anyway, at three am.

 

Surprisingly enough Sydney Katz has a social media profile.

 

To be fair by modern standards the collection of travel photos and the occasional sharing of a journal article isn't impressive but the discovery still makes Maggie smile. Her profiles aren't much better, dominated as they are by images of her ex-boyfriend's cat that she inherited. It takes the new graduate weeks to reach Sydney, facilitating between embarrassment and excitement. Alex threatens to hack her phone if she doesn't stop complying a list of possible problems.

 

Instead of the standard ', please connect with me' greetings; Maggie opts to ask a series of complicated medical questions. It takes close to an hour to type out the equations effectively. She reworks several case histories to present more of a challenge; they are both such medical geeks.

 

Sydney accepts these requests within 48 hours correctly guessing each diagnosis.

 

  1. **Teleconferencing**



 

The time difference works to their advantage.

 

Maggie is still doing shift work whereas Sydney has the relatively consistent hours of a specialist surgeon. It becomes relatively easy to find times that suit them both when they are both finishing for the day or before the chaos of rounds begin. Neither comment on how frequent these are becoming or how much rescheduling this may entitle. The steep increase in phone plans is a small price to pay, especially when Jackson sets Maggie up with a great deal.

 

Sydney takes her phone around the best parts of her neighbourhood, giving a running commentary of the history and her favourite restaurants, even a local festival or two. The ordinarily severe Dr Katz is dynamic and witty narrating adventures and accidents. There is a memorable time they do a vertical tour of the OBGYN ward where Syd is practising. The distinctive ringtone she set for Sydney (Israeli Folk Music Meddle) becomes one of her favourite sounds.

 

Sydney works through all her neuro exercise and observations without complaint, even when this means extra-long days. The OBGYN knows her healing timetable better than Maggie does, it is possible that Shakeer and her are conspiring together. They make a game out of the memory exercises, or sometimes Syd tells her stories in her lilting voice that is familiar with reciting prayers and scripture.

 

When the pain and frustration get unbearable, Sydney sings her to sleep with a Jewish lullaby supposed to chase away the dark. Maggie barely resists the urge to beg the other doctor to come home. Sydney would do it in a heartbeat, but the demand isn't fair.

 

It is the best medicine in the world even if their time together will never be written up in a journal article.

 

  1. **Texting**



 

Maggie tries to avoid acting like a teenaged cliché but judging from Alex's eyes she fails spectacularly.  There is just something so liberating about being in regular contact with Sydney Katz. They worked so hard to get to this part of natural communication. It seems ironic that they talk better with oceans between them than working on the same shift.

 

The conversations range from humorous debates about movie heroines and queer identity to competitive games of 'Medical Words With Friends'. Earnestness characterised their interactions to date, a mixture of both personal and professional dramas. The humour between makes a refreshing change, especially now that Sydney doesn’t feel such conflict over her sexual orientation.

 

There is a serious side to the talks too. Neither of them is entirely over the problems that they brought to their relationship, the uncertainties and the fears. Maggie is still recovering and not finding the transition back to work as flawless as she imagines. Focusing on patient care and hospital realities are difficult with intermittent headaches. Her friends and colleagues do the best they can, but theirs is a competitive field. Jewish mothering is a stereotype that works naturally in this case.

 

Maggie enjoys the photo exchanges the most, the collection of images from different regions of Israel provide insight into Syd's personality. The whimsical shots of sunsets and sunrises or the different rooms in the remote clinics. Syd isn't an exceptionally talented photographer but she is a storyteller, and she coaxes little details out of Maggie right down to her plans for the inherited cat and her future role in Luke's life.

 

Neither mentions that they are edging closer to an emotional affair even if everything in their texts are innocent and Maggie is diligently respectful of the new relationship without asking too many questions. Alex suspects something is going on, but she doesn't comment, also caught up in her own drama.

 

 

  1. **Phone Calls**



 

"Layla and I broke up."

 

"Oh, Syd I'm sorry."

 

Maggie is sincere, the only thing she wants is for Syd to be happy and if an Israeli doctor is the person to do it than it's not her place to question anymore. There is a vulnerability in the typically confident woman's voice that makes the situation so much more painful.  Syd is careful about navigating the queer space, and the first heartbreak must hit the perfectionist hard.

 

"Break up is something of an exaggeration. Layla pegged me as this novice I was and acted as tour guide. I even had a Tinder profile for a while, even if the notion of logging never occurred to me" Sydney is speaking rapidly, trying to convince herself more than anyone that losing Layla didn't hurt.

 

It is possible that Syd is more than a little drunk and sleep-deprived. Her slender frame couldn't handle the combination, with being force-fed carbohydrates.  Is somebody taking care of her now?

 

"I bet you have all the Reformist girls lining up around the block." It is not Maggie’s place to cry.

 

The pause on the other end of the line is long and filled with a tension that is difficult to define, for all the progress between them there are still areas that trigger old wounds.

 

"Hardly. It turns out coming out as a lesbian did not miraculously cure my prickly personality or lack of social graces. The doctor thing is a selling point until people realise I'm too conservative for Pride and too liberal for their parents. Layla is the rare exception and by extension her circle of friends and doctors. Maybe I have a curse after all? Did I ever tell you the story of Miriam? The Bitter Watcher?

 

"Syd you aren't cursed nor are a conservative or liberal reject. There is no perfect formula for identity" Maggie says firmly.

 

"You are biased because of my extensive knowledge of foetal anatomy.'

 

"Maybe but this doesn't make it any less accurate. You were the same before leaving for Israel as a lesbian, and you will be the same whatever the future holds for you and your future."

 

"Sometimes I think that you are the only one who understands me and I left you 5000 miles away with a head injury."

 

"Hardcore OBGYN's get better impressive air miles don't they?"

  

  1. **Intermediary**



 

"Your girlfriend promised me a lecture if I brought this back for you, given how expensive her fees are I found room in my luggage."

 

Maggie wants to explain that Dr Sydney Katz isn't her girlfriend and their precise relationship status is in limbo. She hadn't even known that the two would cross paths at the Fetal Medicine Symposium. It is disconcerting to have a package dumped in her lap together with rapid-fire instructions.

 

 However, Dawn is on the move before she can form the first uncertain syllable. The senior administrator has a well-known aversion to all things personal and messy, not surprising with her reluctant part in the Alex and Charlie show 2015.

 

"Thanks, Dawn" is all she says to the retreating from

 

The box is considerable and the luggage space considerable, a sacrifice indeed. Maggie briefly wonders what negotiations took place, but she is too excited by the contents to question the logistics. She moves to the break room for some semblance of privacy, even though news of the gift is making its way around the hospital grapevine.

 

The wrapping is beautiful but plain.

 

Maggie takes a quick photo of her holding the gift knowing that Syd will enjoy a photo sequence when she finishes work for the day. Inside there is a beautiful set of personalised doctor essentials. A customised set of scrubs with tailored underlays in Maggie's favourite colours. Two high-quality stethoscopes, dates were engraved on the tubing, each representing essential points in her medical career.  A set of scrub caps with a range of patterns and stitching, by the feel of the material it is handmade to measure.  Of course, Syd would have that information to hand. All of the gear sits in a lenon bag that can double as her 'go bag' for emergencies or double shifts.

 

At the bottom of the bag, there is a note

 

"To my favourite former student."

 

  1. **In Person**



 

There is no logical reason for Sydney Katz to be loitering in her hallway at 2 am in the morning.

 

This minor piece of logic does little to dampen the thrill Maggie sees at seeing the other woman in person. In truth, Syd looks terrible, as if she spent every one of the 5,992 miles between Israeli to Canada worrying. Her pale skin looks sickly in the dim lighting, sheer stubbornness and experience with long shifts are keeping her slender frame upright.

 

Maggie hurries down the hallway, thankful she chose to stay home tonight instead of joining Alex and Charlie for the evening. At least Syd is dressed for the winter climate and somehow talks her way past the doorman. It doesn't escape her notice that the sweatshirt Syd is wearing is one she stole from Maggie many nights ago, the Harvard insignia still recognisable if faded.

 

"Syd let’s get you inside."

 

"I shouldn't be here, I'm sorry, but there is nobody left in Canada who is willing to talk to me much less to hear my tale of woe after midnight."

 

The simple statement of fact makes Maggie feel profound sadness, but she focuses on ushering Syd through the door and into the warmth of an expensive heating system.  The words of comfort are minimal, but they seem to have the desired outcome as the shorter woman sinks wearily onto the couch.

 

"I shouldn't be hurt or surprised really, but I am."

 

Maggie busies herself preparing tea just the way the other doctor likes it. There is a precise sequence to follow and it’s soothing, if only she still had that strange Chi blend that Syd favours.

 

The story comes out slowly in fits and starts; it is heart-breaking but not entirely unexpected. Sydney warns her from the beginning that her family would be unforgiving, that the shunning is long term. Her parents did not go so far as to declare her dead but they were unyielding in their shame and blame, especially when Syd refuses to live in seclusion or shy away from talking about experiences. The situation puts Rebecca in the middle; mainly she is heartsick that the sisters won't be joining the community of married woman together.

 

At the same time, Rebecca still loves her sister.  It helps that there are several oceans between them and that two cousins are getting married in spring.

 

Everything changes when Rebecca losses her second baby and becomes seriously ill. The conservative community values above all else, when one member is stricken then there must be a cause no matter how irrational.

 

"The ironic thing is that I could be her greatest support. I know all the terms, heck I went to school with one of her doctors. We competed for the final fellowship. Instead, I'm sneaking medical notes as if they are contraband; it hasn't occurred to Davis to shut me out yet. He still thinks the Katzs are a functioning family. Of course, they wouldn't exclude the family member that does this for a living" Syd says with a frustrated sigh and wild hand gestures.

 

"Oh Syd"

 

"Was I selfish Maggie? Is the closet such a dangerous place?"

 

Maggie captures the shorter woman's hands and pulls her to a halt.

 

"Your sister's situation is horrible, Sydney, but you know that these are two entirely different situations, different realities. Would you being in the closet make your sister's pregnancy anymore viable? Is your God that unforgiving?

 

Sydney doesn't have the energy to rebuke or explain.

 

"Everyone is in so much pain."

 

"So are you, and I don't see anyone rallying around to make you feel better."

 

"Except for you."

 

"Always"

 

 

 

 


End file.
